Member of the Club

On Sunday, November 1st, 2009 I was confirmed as a member of the Episcopal Church. Leading up to that moment and since I have been asked what confirmation means to me. For some people belief is enough. For other people confirmation is just another thing that happens in their life. I came to the church as an adult with precious little religious background. I came to the church because my wife brought me there. I stayed because I found solace.

I played rugby for sixteen years. During that time I probably paid two-thousand dollars in club dues. In return I got to play a game I love year round. I got free food and drinks a couple times per week. I got a trip to London to play a tournament. I got a trip to New York two years later. All of that pales in comparison to the true gift I got from rugby, solace.

I’ve always been temperamental. Rugby gave me a way to channel my frustration in an acceptable way. In 2004 when I was going through a divorce and trying to avoid flunking out of grad-school rugby saved me. For twelve hours per week I could escape all the pressures of my life and just run. The physical exhaustion and the camaraderie of the team were provided the release I needed to get through that year. Without rugby I may have deferred my enrollment and moved home to California. If that had happened wouldn’t have met my wife, I wouldn’t have my house, I wouldn’t have my son. Luckily I did have rugby so here we all are. Once my playing days were over I wasn’t ready to give up on the game that had given me so much over the years so I became a referee in order to give something back to the game.

2007 was another tough year. I had left my job in DC to move back home where I was starting my career over again. My mother had died, and my family was fighting over her teeny tiny estate. It was the lowest point of my life. I needed answers and the usual sources weren’t cutting it. I had been going to church with my wife and during one three-week stretch I was given all the answers I needed. I had been struggling with the ability to forgive all the people in my life that were causing me pain. I had been struggling with my relationship with fiancée. I had been struggling with the idea that I was worthy of being forgiven for my mistakes. Then in those three weeks I learned that I was worthy of forgiveness. Not just from God but from everyone in my life. I learned that I’m not a bad guy. I also learned that the people who have hurt me also deserve my forgiveness. With that knowledge my quality of life improved drastically.

Since becoming more involved in the church I’ve been fortunate to be part of a community that looks after each other. I don’t know how my wife and I would have survived the first four weeks after our son was born if not for our parish organizing people to bring us meals. It was such a tremendous help. I also look forward to raising my children in our parish community.

So what does confirmation mean to me? Aside from affirming my commitment to God it means becoming a full member of the parish community. It may sound strange to people who know me but I’ve been shy about being a part of the church. Confirmation has helped me feel like less of an interloper and more of a member. I feel like now I’ll have the courage to step up and volunteer for things, join a ministry, talk to people more. I can’t wait for the next parish birth so I can return the favor of a meal or two. Confirmation is a milestone on my journey to becoming a Christian. Just like becoming a referee I hope that by becoming a full member of the church I can begin to give back to an institution that has given me so much.