Who Do You Believe In?

I don't know if as new a christian as I am can really have a crisis of faith. I mean if you're already coming into the thing from a life of not really believing can any doubts really constitute a crisis? I think I'm having more of a "dang we're out of milk" type minor issue of faith. OK, what the heck am I talking about? I'm talking about belief. I'm talking about who or what we believe in.

I have to admit I don't know if I really believe in Jesus Christ. I know, this should immediately discount me as a Christian. It's like being a vegetarian who eats poultry and fish. The thing is I believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ, just maybe not all the other stuff. Is that enough? Does that make me Christiesuqe rather than Christian? The thing is I know who I do believe in whole heartedly. I believe in Rector Robbin. Honestly my main touchstone of faith isn't God, or Jesus, or Mary, or even "The Church," it's Rector Robbin. I believe just about everything she says. I'm ready to follow her guidance in just about anything. I feel like I don't find solace as much in Christ as I find solace in the the sermons of Rector Robbin.

So my fellow Christians, is this a problem? Am I an idolator? I hope not. I hope that as a new Christian my faith in my teacher is enough for now. I hope that I can "fake it 'til I make it" in a manner of speaking. I hope it is enough to follow what Robbin teaches me about faith even if for now my faith is mainly in her. It helps that the Episcopal church is not driven by doctrine.

I have been attending inquirers classes and this past class focused on doctrine. Turns out there isn't much of it for us Anglicans. The main theme of the class was that our faith hinges primarily on one thing, are you trying to live as Christ lived or not? If you are trying the details don't really matter. This was an incredibly refreshing bit of information. It helped me understand why I never have an answer for people who ask me "What does your church believe in?" Well, the short answer is we believe in the bible and we don't try to extrapolate too much beyond that. This why we don't have any fire and brimstone in our services. I've been going to Episcopal churches off and on for four years now and I can't recall a single mention of sin, hell, or Satan. I remember a lot about forgiveness, humbleness, and love.

I've also realized that when people ask me about my new found faith they are usually asking about doctrine. They want to know if my position on whatever hot button issue they're latched onto this week has changed as a result of my relationship with the church. I think people are disappointed when I don't have an answer for them. Well, I do have an answer but it's usually something like, "I don't really know what the church thinks, but here's what I think..." Now I know why I don't have an answer for what the church thinks. Because we have far less doctrine than other sects the church seems to think we're capable of deciding for ourselves. It's liberating knowing that the church trusts me.

I'll try to provide an example and I know Robbin will forgive me for butchering her teachings. The example she used in class was the issue of abortion. The bottom line is that the church is against abortion. The line just above that is that the church is for choice. This idea resonated with a conversation me and my wife had early on when we were dating, we both agreed that we for choice, and that our choice if she became pregnant would be to keep the child no matter how our relationship turned out.

So I think I've got my answer. I don't have to believe in Christ the way some people do as long as I follow his teachings. I can receive those teachings from Rector Robbin and use her as my spiritual guide. I don't have to believe in transubstantiation in order to take communion and be accepted as a member of the church. I am free in my faith to take things as they come and accept them over time. I'm loving being a Christian.